Someday
by Raserei Hojo
Summary: An alternate version of Gravitation Megamix Panda: They've done this forbidden act many times, but Eiri still won't smile.


When had he fallen so deeply in love with this man that hardly anything else mattered? When had this callous man taken hold of his heart with a grip of steel? When?

It had been years since he'd fallen in love with that fair-haired boy who grew up to be such a cold, uncaring man, but regardless of how much Eiri had changed, Tohma still loved him. He believed that deep down—somewhere—the sixteen-year-old boy with that innocent, smiling face would resurface someday.

But tonight, the innocent boy Tohma had fallen in love with was nowhere to be found. The man hovering over him was not the innocent boy Tohma so desperately wanted to find. He knew that tonight would be just like every other night they'd done this—just a quick fuck. Nothing to remember. Shuichi was gone and Eiri needed a fix; that was all.

There was no love involved.

It was silly, thought Tohma as Eiri's hands wandered in an almost disinterested fashion along his body. How would this bring out the sixteen-year-old version of Eiri? Wasn't this kind of thing what locked him away in the first place? Yes, it was. Tohma was no better than Kitazawa—not when he allowed Eiri to act this way.

"Seguchi."

Even now, in the middle of an act most people would consider intimate, Eiri still called him by his family name. No matter how many times Tohma had asked and pleaded and bribed, Eiri refused to call him anything other than _Seguchi_. Addressing him as a brother was completely out of the question.

"_Seguchi_. Pay attention!"

"Sorry."

It was difficult to concentrate and had been for the past twenty minutes. They had done this so many times and Tohma thought that eventually, Eiri would do it out of love instead of whatever _this _was. This really was a fuck, not making love. Tohma was on his back like a submissive woman and he was positive Eiri was enjoying this, if only because of the fake sense of power.

It wasn't that Tohma couldn't dominate Eiri; he simply didn't want to. By allowing Eiri to take him in this position, he was a little better than Kitazawa—but not by much. It was a nice illusion and Tohma was willing to believe that he was a tiny fraction better than Kitazawa.

Perhaps he really should have paid attention because Eiri gave a sudden thrust and it _hurt_. Tohma knew he was visibly wincing and he clenched his jaw to keep a whimper of pain from escaping.

"We do this often enough that you shouldn't be so tight."

Well, that was true. At least once a month, sometimes more. Eiri had dozens of women at his disposal but they both knew that Tohma was far more reliable—and that there would be no articles printed about the nights they shared together like this. How nice. Tohma was worth more than a nameless woman off the street. It only took over ten years to get this far.

"You go too fast, Eiri-san."

"So keep up."

Keep up. Of course. That's all Tohma ever tried to do. Take care of things ahead of time so Eiri was comfortable; silence the news reporter before she leaked false information about Eiri; give Shuichi plane tickets to Hawaii to boost his morale so he wouldn't be such a weepy sack of skin.

Eiri bent down so that his mouth was a centimeter away from Tohma's ear and whispered, "Or are you getting too old for this, Seguchi? I can find someone else."

_No. Don't do that._

"I was unprepared, that's all."

Eiri laughed into Tohma's ear, positioned himself properly, and thrust forward again with what seemed to be all his might. Tohma was getting the impression that Eiri was _trying _to be rough. Well, it was fine if that was the case. It didn't matter if he tore or bled because of it—at this moment, he was being useful to Eiri and that was all that mattered.

"What are you telling Sis tonight?"

"Overtime."

"That excuse gets old after a while."

"It's believable en—_ow_!"

"You know what, Seguchi? You're a pretty shitty partner tonight."

Tohma scoffed, his ego—among other things—bruised. "You're the one being impatient."

"If you're going to make excuses, we can stop."

"Fine."

Apparently, his use to Eiri had been short-lived tonight. He was relieved when Eiri pulled out—but only a little. If they stopped, there was no chance of their monthly fuck turning into a monthly love-making session.

As expected, Eiri almost immediately leaned over and grabbed a pack of cigarettes. Tohma pulled his body up into a sitting position and watched as his brother-in-law lit up what would probably be the first of many cigarettes that evening.

"When did you become such a pussy?"

Tohma didn't bother to dignify that question with a response. Eiri breathed in a deep lungful of nicotine and exhaled the smoke directly at Tohma. Always a bastard, wasn't he? No, not always. Once upon a time, Eiri had been the purest boy in the world. A flawless white landscape that had yet to be marred.

"Shindou-san will be home tomorrow."

"Yeah."

"Are you happy?"

Eiri shrugged. "I don't have to use as much lube with him."

As much lube? What lube? Eiri had barely used any to begin with.

Tohma sighed quietly and watched his brother-in-law with burning eyes as smoke hung around his head. What was the difference between himself and Shuichi? They both loved Eiri a great deal and Tohma was sure he loved Eiri more than the vocalist. Tohma had spent _ten years _trying to heal Eiri's heart, but Shuichi had mended most of the damage in just a few short months.

Why was it so hard to be loved by this man? It seemed Eiri loved everyone in the world _but _him. Kitazawa. Shuichi. That stray cat Eiri sometimes fed. Well, at least Tohma was still better than a random woman off the streets. Probably. Tonight, Eiri was unsatisfied and he wouldn't be surprised if he called one of his girlfriends.

"You should get dressed and leave, Seguchi. Before Sis finds you in my bed."

He honestly hoped that would never happen. Not because he would be sorry he did it, but because he would feel guilty for Mika realizing what he was doing on the nights he had 'overtime.' Tohma sometimes thought Mika already knew, but if she ever saw it with her own eyes, there would be no denying it.

"All right."

Slowly, Tohma gathered his clothes, using slow movements to buy himself a bit more time with Eiri. "I'll shower at home." Not that he thought Eiri particularly cared. Eiri puffed another breath of smoke at Tohma—clearly the younger man did not care when or where Tohma showered.

It took five minutes for him to fully redress himself and Eiri had made no move to get dressed. He had, however, smoked another cigarette. Luckily there was a nearby ashtray. "Would you like me to finish the job, Eiri-san?"

"No thanks. Handjobs aren't my thing."

"Then how about—"

"—Blowjobs are your thing, not mine."

Tohma bowed his head. "Fine. I'll call you tomorrow morning before Shindou-san comes home from filming his music video."

Eiri shrugged his shoulders in response.

Someday, Eiri would smile at him again, thought Tohma as he grabbed his briefcase and exited Eiri's room without looking back—he didn't want to see the cold adult that Eiri had become anymore tonight. Someday, those ten years of hard work, love, and dedication would pay off.

They had to, right?

Surely, someday, the boy he had fallen in love with all those years ago would love him back, wouldn't he?

Someday.


End file.
